What if it were Red Friday Instead? (Humor)

With the recent commemoration of the 25th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, I got to thinking, “what if the Commies had won?”  Already, American brands stand in for America herself as a protest target.  Witness recent Russian harassment of McDonald’s restaurants in response to Western sanctions related to Russia’s flagrant interference in Ukraine.  Imagine what they would have done if they had gotten ahold of our mighty consumer apparatus wholesale.

So, here are some ideas of what brands would dot the American landscape if Communism had prevailed:

  • Stal-mart
  • Dacha Depot
  • MiGDonald’s

  • Supreme Sports Soviet
  • KGBMart
  • People’s Republic of Banana
  • Burger Death to the Czar
  • Partygrad
  • Red Starbucks
  • Vlad’s Club
  • Panera Bread Line Company
  • Missle GAP
  • Cossakco
  • Battleship Potemkin Chevrolet
  • Trader Josef’s
  • Ruby October
  • T J Marx
  • Radio Moscow Shack
  • Bed, Bath & Brezhnev
  • Toys R USSR
  • Olive Gulag
  • Barnes & Worker
  • Nuclear Subway
  • Borscht Buy
  • Revolution Hardware

And, of course, EVERY Friday would be Red Friday.

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